Questions!

Now some of you may comment about me being way too serious in this post! And this comment would often be valid. I do! I think too much sometimes. But before you jump to that conclusion, please understand that these are just questions! I am not losing sleep, I am enjoying my vacation with the family and I will keep plugging away at this thing called endurance.



Here is a picture of a huge elephant cactus at the botanical gardens!



I was evaluating my 'garmin' results to see where I went wrong as far as meeting my goal

Mile 1 pace = 9:00, avg hr 151, max hr 167
Mile 2 pace = 8:47, avg hr 162, max hr 164
Mile 3 pace = 8:54, avg hr 165, max hr 168
Mile 4 pace = 9:42, avg hr 161, max hr 168, walked to dec hr from 168 to 148 @1 min.
Mile 5 pace = 9:38, avg hr 163, max hr 169
Mile 6 pace = 9:34, avg hr 165, max hr 168
Mile 7 pace = 11:22, avg hr 157, max hr 169, walked some (obviously)
Mile 8 pace = 9:54, avg hr 157, max hr 162
Mile 9 pace = 10:15, avg hr 162, max hr 166
Mile 10 pace = 10:44, avg hr 158, max hr 164
Mile 11 pace = 10:01, avg hr 162, max hr 168
Mile 12 pace = 10:01, avg hr 165, max hr 172
Mile 13 pace = 9:38, avg hr 169, max hr 172

My other stops were only water break stops. Haven't learned to run and drink with heavy breathing yet!

My AT is only suppose to be 157 based on a test in Mid Nov. I have been training with an AT of 160.

This should explain whey I stopped when I couldn't get my hr down from 168.

However, the questions that I have for myself are:

1) Why didn't my hr take care of itself (settle down) after establishing a pace like while training this past month?

2) Why was my hr 92 before I even started? I swear that I wasn't feeling anxious at all! Would my sinus infection do that? I avoided medications for it the last 48 hours except for NUNN tablets to help keep me hydrated and electrolytes in place. Because of my cough, I didn't sleep well the night before but not sleeping well is normal for many of you the night before a race. I slept well Friday night (awful Thursday). As a nurse, elevated HR can be a sign of infection but I am so use to seeing infections that are in the blood that I don't even remember if a simple sinus infection would do it.

3) I didn't want to walk the second time, but I did anyway. I also really looked forward to the accellerade/water walks! Why wasn't I able to keep my pace? Why wasn't I able to not stop running? Do I lack will? Do I lack that ability to persevere through pain and discomfort? Why couldn't I just tough it out? Make myself get through at my desired pace? Was my pace unreasonable?

4) Or do I just give myself a break? It was my first run and race at this distance! I know that answer to this question is yes, but I want the other answers too! Do those answers just come with time and experience or do I have some real re-evaluating to do?

I know that every race I have done (4 of them), I get tearful at the end! This is especially true if there is a sign that refers to someone being proud of a racer. Although this sign isn't for me, it overwhelms me. It occurs to me that with all my work to erase or change feelings of negativity, low self esteem, etc, (I had a childhood with a stepdad (not my dad, if you met him) where I lived in fear of being hit, was told I was ugly and stupid, etc), I have never taken that step from just not having a low self esteem to actually being proud, satisfied with who I am, what I accomplish etc.

And as I am saying this, sitting in a hotel room a few miles from the Grand Canyon, I am really crying... hard. Because you know what? That's no way to live! And I think of my kids as well as my wife and others that I love, and want to make sure that they know how to be proud of themselves better than me!